“I guess that was the short program,” Tessa said, watching the smoke rise from the end of her cigarette.

Phil’s commitment to the triangle is unrelenting.

My (and probably a million other peoples’) theory: They’ve fucked, but aren’t fucking now*.

MORE JETER ASS-EATING ARTICLES!

Jesus Christ. Her name is Virtue, Barry. Of course, they’re fucking.

Yea grow up Deadspin! MORE JETER ASS-EATING ARTICLES!

Come on, you’re better than this! My wife and I play in a bowling league together and we’re not fucking.

Barry, you prude, you’re acting like you’ve never stuffed a platonic friend’s muff in your face then transitioned her into a hurricarana in the name of competition before.

Really Deadspin? It’s come to this? Articles about whether or not two ice dancers are fucking? Whatever happened to the good old days when we’d get articles about whether or not KD and Westbrook were fucking?

I’m on level 4 here but hurtling toward 6

This is baseball, so the only way to resolve this is for a Marlins pitcher to fire a fastball at 95+ MPH directly at Bryce Harper.

“Having great hitters only makes it harder to sacrifice bunt.” - Donny Baseball

They are cousins though. And France is the home of Les Cousins Dangereux.

She stated that she started to feel the costume falling apart, and “I prayed.”

Flowers in the Arctic

Thankfully it wasn’t one of the brother-sister teams.

Eh, it’s still better than Bret Stephens’s op-ed about the reptilians.

Burn down the New York Times op-ed section. Replace it with Marmaduke or something.

I will never be able to stop looking at the woman in the back when she sees his form and just walks off.

I am in awe at how good this article is. I honestly can’t tell if equating Trump’s fascination with shark week with Republicans obsessive Fox News consumption is meant to be some sort of satire or is genuinely profoundly insightful. I think I’m leaning towards....insightful?