Damn tires, interrupting my dinner, asking if I’ve heard the Goodyear news.

He brought the bones of the golden tomahawks home in a doggie bag and intends bring them to a lab

No, this is poetic:

so I yelped and eventually smacked it with my Birkenstock

I hope she gets traded to Portland so that every Thorn has its Rose.

“To the death?”

Oh sure, blame the kangaroos. Who made you judge and jury? What kind of court is this?

the Dora Milaje School for Wishing a Motherfucker Would.

A Miami resident leaves temple early so he doesn’t miss out on a great deal?

Nah, he’s Welsh. It’s more likely Lygvrwyth Bwyllyngh

Once this kid’s mother sees this, she’s going to come to the sad realization that there’s no keepers in this family.

Yeah, but that’s like 27 in dog feet.

I’m more impressed by the fact that the dog had that handshake down pat.

Of the all the guys to decide to become the face of kneeling in the MLB it has to be this piece of shit...

When his balls hit your eyes and you say “where’s that guy?”, that’s Adoree’…