What in the everloving fuck is going on here.

Maybe we can find out what they know about the Lizard Man of South Carolina

Good point, but good luck ‘splainin’ that to the entire Internet, Mr. Mayor. He’ll have his work cut out for him. 

But Jekyll’s not “the good guy”. Jekyll is the guy who wanted to get credit for being the good guy, while still getting away with all the evil stuff he secretly wanted to do, so he created the potion so he could just turn into Hyde whenever he wanted to and be an utter shit. As a description of a politician who wants…

the correct joke is “if you want to run, you can’t Hyde”

She’s responsible for a lot of aborted potential babies. 

My theory is that Bigfoot is the mysterious monster that destroys every public restroom. When you walk in on a fecal crime and wonder “how did they get shit there?” the answer is clear: Bigfoot.

What makes you say this?

This really should be the talking point for a livable wage. It is absurd that a person can work full time and still need government assistance to meet basic needs. At the end of the day, it is nothing less than corporate welfare for taxpayers to supplement the incomes of full time workers.  That is why work…

I’m not a fucking child and Trump is the antichrist.

I think you’re secretly BO. I bet voting for Biden would be almost exactly the same as voting for Trump in your book. God forbid that somehow happens I'd still do it.

When people didn’t care enough that a couple dozen kindergartners were mowed down in gunfire to do a single god damned thing, that’s when I gave up on America.

Elizabeth Warren is racist and corrupt? Your stupidity really knows no bounds, does it?

BarackaObama is an idiot. If he was somewhat genuine about getting a good Democrat elected Warren should be just as good as Sanders. They have similar platforms and ultimately are trying to achieve very similar goals. Dude needs to grow the fuck up.

To be fair, he looks like an absolute doofus without the hat as well.

Are we in hell? Because these two together...

He’s trying to have his cake and eat it too - act like he is progressive enough but not so progressive to scare off the moderates we are all being told are going to vote for Trump if Biden is not the nominee*. There are a lot of pro-choice people who support the Hyde Amendment (but I think they could be convinced…

I know that Trump uses quotes for emphasis, which is weird, but sadly not as unusual as it should be. But so often they work as scare quotes and it’s a much needed moment of unintentional hilarity. Like now.

Did anyone really win? I feel like we all lost.