This is clearly not a shark. It literally says “dolphin.” But anyway, in conclusion: cake!

Answer: No.

The night my mother died, my best friend drove me to a book store to pick up something for the plane ride home the next day. While we were there, she made a joke that made me laugh me so hard my stomach hurt. 10 years later, I can’t remember what the joke was, but I remember very clearly how overwhelmed and grateful I…

I used to be able to name every nut that isn’t a nut. It used to drive my mother crazy. She’d say, “If you don’t stop naming all the nuts that aren’t nuts...” (and the joke was, we lived in Pine Nut.) She’d hear me in the other room - “Brazil nut: not a nut. Cashew nut: not a nut. Almond: not a nut. Manila nut: not a…

I’m more impressed by her eyeliner, personally.

I don’t blame you for not watching, it’s a pretty graphic video.

Okay smart guy. For this to work, you’d need to cross it out, initial it, and hand it back to MLB before you even purchase it. The act of purchasing the ticket is the equivalent of accepting the contract as-is on the ticket.

This looks like a comfortable room for a rich old person, as evidenced by the recliner. The rest of the house is full of marble columns, chandeliers, white leather sofas, and gold harps. This must be the room where grandma watched her stories.

“And she is not a performer if she never shows herself.”

I’m envisioning Oprah: “You’re a fuckface! You’re a fuckface! Everyone is a fuckface!”

I don’t fucking respect those people. If you’re using your “I was a rape baby” story for ANY abortion argument other than “every individual woman has the right to choose what to do about their own unplanned/unwanted pregnancy,” you can fuck right off. The contexts of their mothers’ decisions is also kinda relevant…

Abortion: It really brings out your inner child.

And then the rapist can seek custody of the child.

Their mothers presumably made the choice to continue the pregnancy. Some women do. That doesn’t mean that it’s right for ALL women to be forced to carry their rape pregnancies to term, especially when you consider how many states allow the sperm donor rapist to fucking sue for custody.

I legit am crying at my desk rn.

I really don’t see that as passive aggressive. “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you.” Ok. You’re sorry - legit apology. That’s normal. Also, you didn’t hear the person. That’s a statement of fact and lets them know that it was unintentional. That’s cool and a normal thing to say and makes sense. “You don’t have to yell”…

At the end of my pregnancy, I kept having my doctor reassure me that the craziest things were “perfectly normal.” “Doc, I look like I’m walking on two enormous marshmallows instead of feet, I’m hungry all the time but can’t eat without severe heartburn, and I get winded walking more than ten feet. Also, I'm speaking…

BU’s tower is more plaster, less ivory. If they were more confident about their place, they probably wouldn’t have.

It’s not always about being thinner. I wear shapewear infrequently, but when I do it’s to smooth things out. I’m almost 40, had 3 kids, shit’s lumpy even where it’s slim.