Pictured: Having now produced offspring, the female Kardashian prepares to unhook its jaw and consume her mate. The male's peacocking now for nothing, his carcass soon to be swirling in her stomach's potent mix of acid, champagne and 2007 NBA Championship Rings, leaving behind only the pair of leather jogging pants he…

Pfft, I am on the mother's side here.

Nope.

Jesus fuck, no kidding. They'd have delivered the baby safely, then taken over the galley to make a nourishing pot of stew that would be tasty and sit well in Mom's sensitive tummy. THEN, they would have swaddled the shit out of that little bambino and tucked her right up to mom, providing gentle guidance and…

Who is editing these headlines guys? What in the actual fuck is that apostrophe doing there?

Every single time Chris Pratt is brought up, there's always at least one person reminding everyone that he once found another loving home for a cat with needs that he could not accommodate anymore. I guess it's you this time.

I personally hope she enjoys some time off so she can be my new best friend, but that's just me...

"when she removed her wig on an episode of How to Get Away with Murder"

Yes! I hope Ross puts her feet up and really enjoys not working on her days off, because she's crazy busy the rest of the time. That lady's got more work than she has days to do it in! Must be exhausting, eh?

You're not alone. I like to think that I'm a decent enough person that I don't judge people cruelly and refuse to change my opinion of them as I get to know them better - but it's really hard not to roll my eyes when I hear that someone has named their child after their favorite brand of whiskey or if they…

I wanted to change my name to Jessica so bad when I was a kid. But I also am honestly glad I do have an odd name — but that's maybe because I identify with it now.

Ooooof, yeah. I have a feminized version of a much more popular boy's name. I dig my name now, but at the time it was not fun because I went to school in a tiny redneck town where teachers couldn't pronounce my spelled as it sounds Italian last name or realise that I was a girl.

Oh my God, I am definitely going to name a child Jazzlyn. Baahaha. JAZZLYN, clean your damn room!

She writes beautifully. This is the entry that got me full on sobbing:

Thank you for writing this Rebecca. Purm was also a badass feminist and loved Jezebel.

That picture is actually pretty tame. Miss M. was bawdy and naughty and put her assets front and center a lot. Hell, she paid her dues by playing gay bath houses in New York. I think what she's trying to criticize is the combination of the youthful appearance and voice combined with the sexy behavior. My problem with…

He's all of us

To be fair, sometimes when ballsmcgee is getting dressed he puts his t-shirt on before anything else and it is fucking horrifying. We call it "Winnie the Poohing." Sometimes he'll Winnie the Pooh around the house for a while just to piss me off.