"I have an announcement. the AV Club Comments section was shot down over the Sea of Japan. It spun in. There were no survivors."

"Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others."

He should have thrown in a Carnac/Johnny Carson reference in there as well…

I blame Anthony Kiedis

…His name is there, just because "Ye" rhymes with "Pee"…

Trump: What? Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is!
Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!

Like sands through the hourglass…
these are the turds of our lives…

Anti Civil War Statue Gang Member #1: [the whole gang holds statue hostage] I say we kill it!

"It's good… but it's no 'Monkey Jesus'!"

Horton Hears Teal Blue
Puce Almighty
Me, Myself and Bright Green
Earth Tone Girls Are Easy

Oh I like this one… One dog goes one way, the other dog goes the other way, and this pet detective's sayin', "Whadda ya want from me?'

…and I call this one 'Umb and Umber'…

Thank god we have a place to put this in the public Record.

She's off starring in The Winter Of Our Disqustent

AV CLUB WARRIORS OF A LOST CAUSE…
FIGHTING WEB DESIGNED POSTING ASSASSINS…
COMMENT KILLING MACHINES!

♪ Water, fire, air and dirt
Fucking magnets, how do they work?
And I don't wanna talk to a scientist
Y'all motherfuckers lying, and getting me pissed
Solar eclipse, and vicious weather
Fifteen thousand Juggalos together ♪

I used to be big time! Worked the Hall of Presidents at Disneyland for 30 goddamn years… I get caught fucking Millard Fillmore ONE TIME and this is where I end up?

I'd be down with it if they kept the Civil War statues up to appease Tangerine Tiny Hands but replaced all the generals with Chuck E. Cheese robots

Is he the guy on the actual drum kit, or is he the guy playing corn-on-the-cob and road flare maracas?

Donald J. Trump: Well I'm gonna to go then! And I don't need any of this. I don't need this stuff, and I don't need *you*. I don't need anything. Except this.