Nailed it.

What kind of cat hairs? As long as it's that spicy ethnic semen, it should be fine.

Seriously? Mike Trout "finally snags one?" The dude is 23! It's not like he's a 12 year veteran that's been continuously passed over.

Within about 25 minutes my roommate walks in (moment of truth) looks around and says "Man it smells great in here, did you guys sleep with all these candles burning, that shit's dangerous." I have never told anyone this story and doubt very much she has either.

Please trend #cansecomet, twitterverse.

That was tyrrible.

Randy Moss, Terrell Owens, etc—those guys are malcontents. If anything, there mostly narcissistic and are usually unaccountable for their own actions. You can ignore them for the most part, but when you're trying to ignore someone that constantly prods and attacks you in the ways Incognito did—that's a whole 'nother…

Distractions to the locker room is the real problem for a team and a player getting an oppurtunity. It's outside the locker room where the media and public think someone will be a distraction (Vick, Rice, Peterson, etc) that it's bullshit.

Regardless of the Rice/Hardy/Peterson issues, he still wouldn't have a job. There just isn't any counseling available for being a shithead. People like that bring it to work everyday. That's who they are at their core.

Brandon Mebane has been doing it for a while for the Seahawks. I guess it's more of a belly roll, but same difference, and it's glorious!

I'm sure once they come back he can whip them into shape.

I like leading my girlfriends into tiny rooms, then removing the door and replacing it with a stone wall—waiting for them to eventually die. Turns out, it works in the Sims game too!

Apparently Justin Bieber is supposed to be on the first scheduled flight. So there might be a silver lining to all of this.

Pun was totally intended.

Classic, "Porn Star feeling rejected and butt hurt" routine.

Those damn introverts...always detached emotionally, but somehow there when you need them.

At least he pulled out. Amirite?

"Grrrrrrrrowl"

The homosexual community is fully behind the Bears.

Game 1...of 82. Fucks given: 0