To put it into perspective: A DUI would have cost him around $3000, 20 hours community service, and a one-game suspension. So remember that kids, the next time you want to make a little extra money on the side playing college football—drink and drive instead!

Maybe he'll play in Seattle one day...

I think they become wolves the first time they shave. Ah-ooooooooooooooooo!

I'm officially entering Pope Francis into my Deadpool. There has to be some "martyr" that won't stand for this.

*accept

I would move lobster somewhere between salsa and chicken. Lobster is one of the healthiest proteins available. It contains less calories, cholesterol, and saturated fat than lean beef, the light meat of chicken, pork, and even shrimp. Omega-3 fatty acids, hello?! Its Mercury levels are mid-range at worst.

V

White Noise.

44 games in and the dude continues to keep his calm, not point fingers, and not give any bulletin board material. He gives zero fucks about anything other than football.

Timmy, drinking bong water again.

Her body is telling her no, but her mouth his telling her yes.

Dis how dey be talkin' doe? That's why you're a substitute. I'm officially stupider for reading this.

"After further review, we're no longer concerned with player safety."

Website? Why didn't he make an app and generate ad revenue that way he could win her back with "I have a job now."

Russell Wilson is a robot, but there are times when he lets you into his world. He had an interview and was asked about his approach to the game and his work ethic. Aside from the typical "got it from my dad" response he gives, he also mentioned that his time in the NFL is like Grad school. That the NFL is his Grad…

When I read "nurse...had extensive contact," I think bedpans. If so, it's officially airborne at that point.

Ebola Wedding? Your move George R.R. Martin.

If I lived in New York, I'd order Dominoes and Pizza Hut too. Fuck that flat shit.

Which is evident with all those Super Bowl victories he has. Using gimmicks to find a way to win does not make him a good coach.

This is why Jeff Fisher will always be a mediocre coach. He pulled out all of his gadget plays in one game to secure an early season win.