And IIIIIIIIII-EEE-IIIIIIIIIIII will never watch thiiiiiis! 

What’s the deal with the move to Comedy Central? Now I’ll have to reprogram my VCR. And what’s the deal with VCRs? Does anybody know how to set the clock one these things? Mine keeps blinking 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00! I mean what’s the deal? Is it midnight or high noon?! 

Always nice to be shown the rough draft before the article is published.

Sounds like “Jagged” is a hard pill to swallow.

Daddy would you like some sausage?

How did an asshole like Bob get such a great kitchen? 

I heard he got stomped by Obie Trice.

Can’t we all just agree that Pluto is a planet, Earth is a frisbee, and Guy Fieri is the mayor of Flavortown?

Great. Now it’s Bonnarooined.

Joe Millionaire was really Joe Thousandaire. Poor Darva Conger.  

I think that was me! 

I have a feeling this will be a lot like getting together with my old high school friends. Yeah, it’s been a while and sure, there’s a lot to talk about, but who gives a shit? 

Or Richard Kind. 

Wait. How many times do you say it, 3 or 5? Cuz I’ve already accidentally said it 4 times and I don’t think I should say “Candyman” again...shit!

My scone! MY Scoooone!

Thanks, but I'll stick to my Bachelor Chow. 

Is this the shittiest cover art for a classic album? Any other contenders?

Don't google Darrell Hammond's childhood. 

Most of my fat is in my head and neck. And several other places. 

“widely"...