It’s the Grecian formula in his hair, right? I think it’s the Grecian formula.

I think we can all agree that this is probably the least surprising of all of the recent revelations.

Obligatory

this belongs in the Louvre

This situation reminds me of a show I watched once about someone who was terribly mauled by a chimp that they had in their home for years and years. They were shocked, SHOCKED that Mr. Bobo would do anything to them after all they had done for him over the time they had been together.

Came here to say the same thing. Boies lost Bush v. Gore. Thousands of dead Iraqis thank him for his legal skills. 

(If you’ve heard Boies’s name in the news recently, he is, according to thisNew Yorker piece on the lengths he went to to protect Harvey Weinstein, smear Weinstein’s accusers, and threaten reporters, an unethical shit. Perfect for getting in bed with Jerry Jones.)

I made this for you, I hope you appreciate all the hard work it took.

As an owner of the Packers, I welcome any challenge to the supremacy of Jerruh.

(Grabs speakerphone) yes

That fact that he’s holding some good looking young blondes titties, but his face remains completely emotionless and void of expression, is perhaps simultaneously the most frighting thing about and truest expression of Jerry Jones as a human being.

Yet they never depict the Ouroboros shitting in its own mouth.

I trust Jerry Jones on these sorts of matters. If there’s anyone in NFL brass who knows how to handle things, it’s Jerry.

10 year olds still have a lot of wiggle worm in them, too. I was a fan like your son at 10. I was maybe 15 before I had the patience to sit in front of a TV and pay attention to entire games, week after week. Still, I persevered, and was enshrined into the NFL Couch Potato Hall of Fame in 2002. I’m not saying your…

Your 10-year-old sounds like a neat kid but, unfortunately, given that you have allowed him to be a Cowboys fan, I have reluctantly alerted Child Protective Services.

Man, a guy does one crazy thing and he gets labeled for life

He also has 30 unpaid parking tickets.

We’re not addressing the other Richie Incognito scandal that makes it more ironic he’s the voice of reason? Got it.