Texas: You’re allowed to shoot someone who breaks into your house

When I saw the headline I knew something was off. People have been talking about these no-knock warrants for years and cops gave nary a fuck about them. Then there was the promise of charges. Charges against the police being talked about this soon? This did not compute. The cynic in me said that this couple must have…

i am eagerly awaiting ben shapiro’s guest appearance on splinter.

You fool! Don’t you know that Shapiro is a GENIUS??? He has owned more libs than you can even wrap your head around! No one can touch him in debates because he’s just too SMART for DEmoRATS!!!!1!

I like the “I’m having a severe aneurysm as I type this" closer you've got there. 

Shut it down, we’re not getting a better take on this than my man Christopher here.

If the scale shows he weighs too much, it’s Obama’s fault.

He’s just fighting against Trump by following Sun Tzu’s advice:

Sir this is a Wendy’s

Well, she just threw the medication. Now what???

“Look, I haven’t been racist for almost a month now. I mean, even a decent guy like Hitler didn’t have to... aw, shit...”

Innocent until proven guilty is becoming the new violating my 1st amendment. If this isn’t proof we need to pay our teachers better, I don’t know what is.

McConnell should be strung up by his neck flap.

He’s never going to sign it. He might say he will, but once the more rabid members of his base get done with him, he’ll veto it for sure. Not nearly enough money and not wall-y (WALL-E?) enough.

You are a disgusting person and I hope you die a slow, painful death.

Seems like a pretty drastic step, I’d try the breakup thing first.

So who was it who first quipped that France retaliated by calling American cheese American cheese?

If it worked for the Rs in 2016, why not?

It’ll get worse before it gets better.