lol I ordered a bunch of stuff from Newegg and paid $20 for 2-day shipping, only to have the estimated delivery date change twice, arriving two days late. Getting anything you want on-demand turns out to be hard! This is the epitome of first-world problems.

Ha ha ha GOOD

I’ll admit that I do admire the continuing strategy of this administration of saying “fuck all strategy and politics in general.”

I gave ten dollars to a homeless sign guy and I hope he got fuckin wasted 

The left needs to start making Joe Biden hats so that they can wear them to his inauguration. Good job leftists, way to really compete

Im vaping a juice called “Power Rangers Neon Doughnut Vacation Paradise” with a mountain bike and a video game controller on the front. There’s a warning that says “Only for cool adults.” It tastes like Axe spray deodorant

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a Lamborghini SUV. 

hired sharpshooters

English is a crazy language, I know, but this is how the founding fathers talked. They’re talking about the plural wall; the category of wall. It’s like the word “giraffe.” You wouldn’t say, “Look at all of the giraffes.” You’d say “Look at all of the giraffe.”

Thank you founding fathers for concocting such a marvelous system of rule. It makes sooo much sense; guns for everyone and war farming. Great smart men

Height shaming. Bodies come in all shapes and sizes and theyre all beautiful. Except Grimer. Disgusting.

AOC should run because fuck the establishment *guitar solo*

Ha ha yeah whatever, you can breathe too hard and break all sorts of promises to environmentalists. I stepped on a living, thriving blade of grass someone save the earth from me -_-

Even a broken clock can boof two times a day

The Fact Checker has not identified statements from any other current elected official who meets the standard other than Trump.

Do you know that feeling where a piece of media comes out and you dread the 10,000 identical promotional pieces that’ll show up on literally all of your blog feeds until it’s released? There’s probably a German word for it: an entire “news” environment temporarily devoted to trash for clicks, everyone sucking on…

Barack Obama! He saw this recession coming from years away and yet did nothing. This is sabotage, no one could be a good president after what Barack Obama did to our national spirit

lol Partisan Taint is a great band name

Why would they use an image of the modern college campus

What is this garbage? One Jedi can easily use the force to spin their thrown lightsaber so it becomes a flying laser deathwheel. I assume that dinosaurs have a hard time getting over mountains of dead dinosaurs, so it would be a slaughter, with one Jedi protected by corpses while their laser-saw flies around…