@Hana Maru: Never judge a man by the size of his lips, judge a man by the size of his nostrils. That is how God held him up when he created him and gave him his paintjob. #hallsrefreshad

@laureltreedaphne: I don't know...I watched it and immediately wanted a threesome with the two of them. #hallsrefreshad

@malimbar04: You're kidding right? I remember gold not so long ago at 385$ per ounce. If only I would have been smart enough to invest. #selling

I can catch a buzz and store the data I used to forget...how ingeneous! #applepatents

Elevates sibling rivalry to a unfortunate level. I bet the family feels terrible, including his brother. A momentary fit of anger or rage that has lifelong consequences. #teenstabbing

I worked at AMC in Kenosha. I miss my AMC.

@zerovampire311: Don't walk around naked, you may take one in the ass for the home team. #airplanes

Fuck driving through stinking, rush-hour traffic every morning. From now on I'm clamping down my tingling sphincter and sailing my ass to work on one of these gadgets. 'Nuff said...

@Kasse: Just add chopped onions and corn and SHAZAAM!

@Dallifornia: In AZ it's, "OK, now fold your paper like a green chili burrito w/extra cheese."

Mmmmmmm, tasty meat sticks!

@Anonymoose: I haven't seen my dog for weeks after buyin him that toy and the phone rings constantly.

@monsterblues: Looks like something Madonna would wear on tour.

Crotch that package of steaks and you're in and out in less than five minutes!

Par-boiling your chicken will never render the chicken undercooked. Kudos also to brining. You can also use the popcorn method if you don't like beer cans up your chicken's butt. Toss a handful or two of unpopped popcorn kernals into the birds cavity and when you see popcorn popping out of its butt, it's done.

Please explain Spatchcocking for us non-cocks

"I dont think you need an assault rifle to defend yourself against regular thugs."