Omg... Idris Elba. I’d pre-order on iTunes for that. 

That is disgusting behaviour and I’m glad Messing named.

Do you have a pancreas? I imagine she does. That could be another thing you have in common with her, for future episodes.

Hey! I finally have something in common with Miranda Kerr. I’m not having sex either. This concludes the portion of Things I Have in Common With Miranda Kerr, please tune in next week.

I’ve known exactly two people in my life who did not fuck their spouses before they got married (both were actual virgins). Both were divorced within a few years because of sexual incompatibility.

The only way to combat inanity like this is with the comment staple, “Slow news day?”

If Jamie Dornan knew Beyoncé was pregnant and he didn’t tell Dakota Johnson then he cannot pretend they are friends.

The footage of her sitting down was what did it for me.

I believe Beyoncé is pregnant with twins. I also believe that Blue was born via surrogate.

I’m a Black woman and, while the stereotype is that we like to “go off” in public, we often can’t. The po-lice don’t play.

You’re like the patron saint of not making a scene.

My husband once pissed me off before a flight. I stared out the window in silence for three hours, out the bus window for one hour and then through a 30 minute information session at the hotel, before finally continuing our fight once ensconced in our room. These people need to be sentenced to a rage repression…

David Schwimmer