My husband never wears a wedding band (even though I bought him a super cool one made out of dinosaur bone!) because he has these weird, tapered, finger, where the base of his finger is actually wider than his first knuckle. A ring wont stay on unless it’s really tight, and then it cuts off his circulation. Someone…

He definitely belongs in the toxic masculinity department, though I wouldn’t mind him having to sing the Kars for Kids jingle on an endless loop for the rest of eternity.

Holy shit. That’s subtle.

I had to pump while on jury duty, in an empty office in the municipal building and no place to clean up except the public restroom. The jury organizer person I asked about where to pump looked at me like I had a third arm growing out of my forehead.

Absolutely. Yes.

So strange. Nobody even noticed the rapture happened, because only 3 people disappeared.

Never have I been more happy to be married to someone I can tolerate.

I just want to know if her husband attended the funeral she threw for her butt demon. 

STICK TO VAGINAS- Oh wait, you kind of did. Carry on. 

I forgot about Smart Guy! It wasn’t on very long, but I remember liking it.

THANK YOU! My brain refuses to remember the acronym TGIF, and kept trying to make something up for Thursday nights, which obviously didn’t exist, and I was going nuts trying to remember what the lineup was called.

It’s amazing how little has changed in the last 24 years.

Considering the only way new characters ever got introduced to that show was by sleeping with, or being related to one of the Friends, there probably weren’t a lot of other options. It still feels yucky though. All those women were too good for Ross anyways. They deserved better.

As a white person, I can never understand how important seeing yourself represented in smart shows like “Living Single“ was, but I’ve often thought about how weird it is that there was a period in the mid 90s where there were quite a few shows with all black or mostly black casts, and then 2000 hit and that shit just…

We are merely exchanging long protein strings. If you can think of a simpler way, I’d like to hear it.

Reminds me of this:

I get this. I really, really, like her music. It speaks to my inner teen angst. And then I remember I’m 36, and I don’t have teen angst anymore. It’s very confusing. 

She killed it performing at the Valentino fashion show last week. The clothes were boring, but she was transcendent. I feel like she’s smart enough to know that agreeing to be a backup dancer, which would definitely be picked up on by the media, would be a better fuck you to the Grammys than not performing at all.…

At least once a week I forget that Deadspin was brutally murdered, beheaded, and defenstrated by that herb, Jim Spanfeller. Every time that same, stupid, headline pops up I emit an audible “fuck”.

I want to stitch that shit on a pillow.