Teach yourself to cross stitch (it’s stupid easy) and you can make a real one :)

Team Nobody. 

That is inclusive.

I didn’t even realize Maury was still on, I haven’t watched it in at least 15 years, but I’ll always remember the woman they had on the show who came back like 5 times with 2-3 men each time to try and figure out who her baby’s daddy was. I was both in awe of her, and felt so sorry for her. She always ended up leaving…

I guarantee that if that was in my house, everything on the board would be gone. 

Nope. Poor baby sheep.

They’re trying to bring them back. I’m here for it.

I WISHED I looked like I was out of a Delia’s catalog. I was Delia’s next door neighbor with frizzy hair and braces who could only afford to shop at Target.

Somewhere there’s a picture of late middle school me wearing JNCOs, a black crop top tank, probably 5+ necklaces made out of hemp, ball bearings, and/or rainbow paperclips, glitter body gel on my cheeks, lime green nail polish (before nail art made having nails other than nude, pink, or red socially acceptable) and…

The “I told you” dances were always the best part of the paternity episodes.

STICK TO VAGINAS.

Yes.

Very carefully? I usually use two pairs of tongs, one set I put one side in the cavity and the other side on the back, and the other set I put one side in the neck hole, and the other side on the breast, then roll.

Very carefully? I usually use two pairs of tongs, one set I put one side in the cavity and the other side on the…

That sounds like it would work too.

That sounds like it would work too.

I don’t think they’ll be eligible until next year. I know the Ukraine call was recorded earlier in the year, but it wasn’t released in time for a nomination. 

“Suicide”. 

You can put honey on a turd, but that don’t make it cornbread.

Prep your bird however you normally would (I like to rub an entire stick of butter under the skin) and season liberally, then flip your bird upside down and cook it for the first 3/4 of the cooking time breast side down. All of the juices in the turkey will pool in the breast, keeping it nice and moist, instead of…

Prep your bird however you normally would (I like to rub an entire stick of butter under the skin) and season…

My high school didn’t do senior quotes, but for some reason my sixth grade yearbook did? I don’t remember what mine was, but I do still remember the one the guy who was kind of the class clown submitted. “When the owl hoots at midnight, the rock will tumble.” You were a weird kid, Brian.