Artichoke spinach dip, is indeed bullshit, but jalapeno artichoke dip is amazing. I get the costco size tub and eat it in 2 sittings. Cold, not warm. Warm is nasty.

I see your “Steeler Nation”, and raise you the “12s”.

People go crazy over those Nothing Bundt Cakes stores, I don’t personally understand the appeal. They always remind me of My Big Fat Greek Wedding.

That rule only applies to tackling Tom Brady. 

It will if you’re fat and own it. Everybody loves some good Chris Farley style, belly rubbing dance moves.

Six weeks? Six weeks they’ve been working on a solution? And they want the “community to come together to address race”, which is just code for “we asked a black person to tell us what to do”, meaning they want black people to solve racism for them. Just no, ladies.

Who the hell is still hiring Lena Dunham for new projects???? She’s an absolute microwave and has no business contributing to pop culture.

YES! Like, I know I hear Tom Hardy’s name all the time, and I have seen at least 3 movies that he’s in, but I have no idea what he looks like. 

Jennifer Aniston at 50 looks better than I did at 30, so yeah, she’s fine. 

“Betty White’s rumored pregnancy shocker. It’s TWINS!”

Paired with a plaid shirt and white framed sunglasses.

I cracked my helmet clean in half after flipping over the handle bars on my bike a few years ago. I walked away totally fine, save for missing half the skin on my upper arm and thigh. I can’t imagine what would have happened to my skull if I hadn’t been wearing a helmet.

Which is interesting considering the same assholes who claim they NEED an AR-15 to protect themselves against a fascist government, are the same assholes who would curb stomp you for kneeling during the national anthem, and then drive home with a “Blue Lives Matter” sticker on their truck.

Yes, he already loves cooking. We have a play kitchen for him, and I let him help me cook real food whenever it’s safe to do so. He’s been rolling fresh pasta noodles since he was 2.

And this is why I have my 3 year old son help with the laundry, unloading the dishwasher, and washing windows, because I refuse to raise another generation of men who are incapable of doing housework without being asked (shakes fist angrily at mother-in-law).

Can’t you.. and forgive my ignorance, because as a woman I’ve never pulled my dick out to pee...but can’t you just cut the button off? Or just not button them??

I was prepared for this to be a heart wrenching tale, about how the idea for flaming hot cheetos was stolen from him, and he battled the company for recognition and reimbursement and lost. I was all ready to get hella mad at Frito Lays for ripping off their employee, and vow to never eat their chips again, but apparent…

Alright everyone, Ruth watch is in full effect. Don’t panic, this is what we’ve trained for. I’ll send the spreadsheet around, everyone sign up for shifts. Your job is to remove as much stress from that woman’s life as possible, make sure she takes any medications, take notes for her, eats, stays hydrated, whatever…