On the two-lane highway of the world, America is a fuel truck driven by a cigarette-smoking drunk with a passenger seat stacked with fireworks. Non-Americans don’t get to vote, but we can damned well voice our opinions on how you choose your leaders.

“Both Neeson and McDormand brought a gravitas that seems almost out of place in Darkman.”

Matthew Lillard played Shaggy? Hollywood really does have a whitewashing problem.

We’re going with “doesn’t live with parents,” then?

Hey now! Urinals tart?

That dude definitely does solo Kendo exercises in his back yard.

You’re in Ulster!

You might as well be sucking on a gun.

“I am armed with the past, and the will, and a brick” is such a wonderful example of Scott Hutchison’s gift for folding humour into raw emotion without compromising the latter.

Digitally color Gina Carano’s hair red and slap a new title on Haywire. It’s not like we’d get a better Black Widow movie.

She said she’s having visions. Blood guts a real horrorSHOW.

“Itmeans someone couldn’t figure out the difference between a colon and a semicolon, and said, “Ah, fuck it.””

I’m unreasonably happy that DIMENSIONAL BLEEDTHROUGH is one of the most prominent commenters on this review. It’s like you’ve been waiting for this movie your whole life, and it betrayed you.

If “really great” means “even worse than what came before,” then yes it’s really great.

C+ is extremely generous. Nothing about this movie makes a lick of sense, it consists almost entirely of trite genre tropes, and it is a structural mess. It could have been written by Damon Lindelof’s dumber brother.

I think he was misquoted. He was offering literal “breeding opportunities.”

It’s easy to imagine if you’ve read the book.

Cline is a “visionary” with a “profound imagination,” huh? So, Spielberg hasn’t read any science fiction since he was a kid.

That guy is really smug about his pole holding abilities.