Man, I hate it when it sands in the winter, and I have to wait for the roads to be cleared before I can drive. I hate shovelling sand in the driveway, too. THough I love making sandmen, and having sandball fights...

“What’s homo milk? Is this milk from GAY COWS?!” he demands, utterly* seriously, even angrily.

I have it on very good authority from Strawberry Shortcake that Blueberry Muffin’s vagina* does, in fact, taste like blueberry.

Cool story, bro

A cat knocking shit off of a counter will never not be funny.

Missed a chance to say, “who among us can throw the first scone?”

So, while my default setting is snark,

Sooooooo...she’s complaining the clerks were “coerced” into following the law because if they didn’t, they might go to jail...

See I have an issue with that. I feel like her parents may not have been prepared to raise a gay daughter. But people adapt. Your kid may not be all the things that you want them to be but they ARE your kid and if you are a good parent you will adapt to the person that they are or they will become. That’s part of…

I mean, it’s kind of hard to come up with fresh answers to the same question for the 500000000th time

i taught kindergarten. 30 students. me. no aide. all day. 15 minutes of recess, one time a day. so, on my first day of teaching kindergarten my 30 children had just been deserted by their teary parent(s) and had settled in on the group-time rug; in the midst of the touching tale of a raccoon mom & child and their…

Sweet lesbian Jesus, do I have a story for you!

That’s less of a pyramid and more of a ziggurat.

Well there goes my idea for a business that turns dead cat parts into bespoke sex toys. I had an Etsy store set up and everything.

She’s not my hero. She drove drunk and is choosing to make light of her punishment instead of accepting the consequences.

SNOPES IS JUST AN ANAGRAM OF OBAMA!!!!!!!!

Getting that tattooed on my BF’s penis, brb.

I would do anything for meatloaf, but I won’t do that.

GET OUT (leave)

For those pointing out that this trick actually increases flow rate, and not water pressure, you are correct, but I think this is a common disconnect between the lay-person's vocabulary and the professional's terminology.