Yikes. Sounds like all this attrition will be a net benefit to you, though - less drama, trims down an admittedly huge wedding party, and fewer bridesmaids' gifts. My "because fuck you, Jess" story illustrates pretty handily why the recently or imminently-divorced can make for unpredictable wedding party members…

Do it. Do it and don't look back.

Yeah, my background is in food micro, and, just... newp. The marine toxins present in spoiled oysters can cause beyond-serious symptoms including organ failure and death, especially in kids and the elderly. Not sure about the states, but in Canada a deliberate act of food poisoning can be treated as assault. I don't…

Yeah, that one got pretty dark at the end...

Charitable interpretation: That horsehoe belt is like a fun hat for her uterus! Less charitable interpretation: That's some David's Bridal "western" collection shit.

I'm so sorry, but this made me laugh so super hard. I'm a bad person.

"Easten by cats" is like the most hipster possible version of a zoroastrian funeral (vultures are so last century). I'm down. Just throw my bones in a pit afterwards. I'm good.

Whoa. I wonder what it says about me that I find the idea of dogs doing it completely unsettling, whereas the idea of cats biting (consuming) the hand that feeds (or used to, before it died) completely normal?

See, and I find that unique cat pragmatism to be endearing. The other day, my husband and I were talking about how long our cats would wait to eat us if we were dead. The conclusion was, like... maybe an hour? Two at the outside, before he realized "Well, I'm sad and all, but you aren't getting any fresher. I'll eat…

I always thought so... but maybe just me? It's the same taste you get in your mouth when you take a really hard hit in football - like your molars are leaking metal, or something. Unless that's just me, too...

I agree - that's what led me to later conclude she was a damn genius for extricating herself so completely. Not just a demotion to bridesmaid - right the fuck out of there!

Happily, many of the brides' family members shared that sentiment after she complained about the low cut of my dress (that she picked) during the photos, and cut off my toast about 30 second in, saying "well, nobody really wants to hear any more of this!" I was awash in awkward hugs and shots of Jack - good news,…

I got "called up to the show" as it were, to be maid of honour for a childhood friend after she and the original maid of honour had a very dramatic "mutual break-up" at 3am on the night of the bachelorette party. 6 days before the wedding. Original MOH Jess (her real name, because fuck you, Jess) had driven the bride…

I've been a big fan of her music pretty much my whole life, but have always found her interviews and the self-important tone to be a bit grating. She's really not looking that hard if she doesn't see her influence in young female artists like Jesca Hoop, Laura Marling and Martha Wainwright, to name just a few. The…

Which, whoa... Prince Phillip was a stone fox in his day! I feel almost as uncomfortable now as when I realized (at her memorial!) that my grandma was a legendary hottie in university.

I have a feeling she'll more than make up for it...

As a Canadian, this is familiar...

Ouf. Yeah, I think I'd have a pretty low threshold for a parent who was actually doing *nothing* to attempt to keep their kids in line. "Ignore, ignore, ignore" is (maybe?) a viable strategy in your own home, but not so much in pressurized tube full of people flying through the air between destinations. Normally I'm…

Second from the bottom pretty much sums it up. But seriously, why be an asshole to a baby? His understanding of physics is shaky, man. He didn't know that milk was going to fly in the air, like, at all. He was as surprised as I was (although way more delighted, and somehow way less covered in milk). I also had a young…

Hilariously, on a flight to Geneva last year, a massive Norwegian man stood up an drunkenly admonished the Mom of a crying baby thusly: "In Norway, we teach our babies manners and obedience!" Public opinion turned against him pretty quickly - it took about 3 seconds for other passengers, myself included, to start…