I'm glad you jerks ignored hockey to bring us this hot taek.

Oh I get it - you don't like Crosby so that makes him like a woman!

This is the Blue Velvet of hockey season previews.

You left out: "Gary Bettman is still a huge asshole of a commissioner."

Do you have any opinions that are not completely wrong.

Meanwhile, Arian Foster is just tryin'a be the best teammate he can be.

I NEED to know why he had the surgery.

Drew, you're a terrible person. Not because of the few occasions that you spanked or yelled at your child, though. You're just a terrible person.

I've started to notice the people that say "Don't tell me how to raise my kids!" are the exact people that need to be told how to raise their kids.

Translation: "I am deeply deeply sorry that my bitch of a babymama complained to the cops. I will take every step available to me to make sure it does not happen again."

Steve Simmons is terrible. Canada only omission: George Strombolopolous; mildly successful Much Music host turned late night Canadian talk-show host turned Hockey Night in Canada host who is a vegan and is in no way related to anything hockey.

Wait, where's 'getting hit by a car'?

And that would make you the type of guy that gets his food spit in when he goes out. You're a fucking asshole.

Of course there's no comparison. Ray Lewis' crimes weren't caught on tape.

Is this the offensive line?

ZMF's yearly contributions alone are enough to justify this entire exercise.

Farther than Chris Kluwe.

How far did he punt that player?

Wait, one of the people pictured in that Ray Rice jersey picture is NOT a woman?