I am beyond frustrated with my husband. Since he started his nursing job(s) he has completely abandoned his responsibilities here at home. The only interacting he is willing to do anymore is play with our 4yr old. He does what he want, when he wants to, and that’s about it. He refuses to acknowledge the routines I…

So— bear with me, this starts off as a downer but ends on (hopefully) an up note.

Well folks, I had a baby this week. 10 days before her due date, actually. Labor was extremely fast (less than 1.5 hours from start to finish) and we BARELY made it to the hospital (I seriously almost had her in the car), partly because we had to wait 20 min for my mother in law to show up from SIX BLOCKS away to…

Have you ever been a child in public or private school? Kids get made fun of by other kids for wearing the wrong shirt. You don’t think they’re going to use this shit? 

“noooo it’s not semen. It’s one of those trendy egg white cocktails!”

Who wants to fuck someone with egg salad breath?!?

“And I really can’t see the Garofalo of the early 90s - the alt comic feminist - allowing a comic of that generation to skate so easily if they’d done something like that to her.”

I’m a little confused; I don’t think white women are excluded from body hair? Maybe western European white women? But. I mean, anyone of Jewish or Mediterranean descent knows what this is about... I was mocked mercilessly for my nipple/tuft of chest hair when I was younger, and certainly got endless mocking in junior…

“Oh, and someone always knows someone who swears they’ve seen her.”

I really love how the judges keep guessing A-list celebrities as if they don’t recognize that they’re all C-level at best.

Is this all part of his master plan to reach the White House, or is he a few grey hairs away from buying a motorcycle jacket?

Lindsay, sneezing:

‘Many have become crazed lunatics who have given up on the TRUTH!...’

Perfect. Now you’re in the perfect position to be the exact right audience for those tweets. 

Joe, Bernie...for the love of Grodd, stay out of the 2020 race. Both of you have zero chance of defeating Donald, and you’ll just embolden new waves of Bernie Bros and Joe-Joe Binkses. You had your time; now step aside and let a new wave of candidates show us what they have to offer.

I was actually planning on checking out this show until I saw that she (and Thicke) were judges. Not happening! And I love Ken Jeong and Nick Cannon will always be such an adorably strange cutie to me, but I can’t! Which is to say, I hope Rich recaps this every week.

the Dora Milaje School for Wishing a Motherfucker Would.

While comics do bomb all the time, it’s still kind of a big deal for a big star to bomb this badly on NYE in a major city. Audience likely paid large for this mess. It makes her look badly unprofessional to be this unprepared for an event like this.

Do it.

My parents have been dead for many years and I would love to have just five minutes with them.  When I was younger, I found them annoying.  I feel differently now.