I once had terrible cramping diarrhea for three days, but couldn't figure out how to go to the ER since I was pooping every 20 minutes or so.

Sounds like you need to move your toxic family out to at least arms length. No one should have to put up with that shit just because you share DNA with someone.

I watched Kubo on Mother's Day, having no idea what it was about, and ended up bawling my eyes out.

I have two historical novels available. If you want freebies, here's the link:

Tourism pretty much supports my entire town's economy, so I'm fine with them.

Would have never pictured Sam Peckinpah as the the essence of kindness, but now I do!

Or John McCain.

His brother was sentenced to death for collaborating with the Nazis - he was released in 1953 under an amnesty, but in the meantime Jacques raised his brother's two sons.

We'd call it 'American football'. You answered your own question.

Really gotta wonder if HistoryofMatt actually read the article, or if he just goes around trying to defend football against charges that it injures players.

I said 'historically', not 'prehistorically.'

Yep!

Historically men made music because when the sun went down, their work was done and they had the leisure for it.

Oh, dear! ALL my ancestors are dead! Whatever shall I do?

HIPAA

There were French officers who were blowing up their own ships to keep them from falling into German hands (Jacques Cousteau was one).

Is that what we're doing?

I use the calculator ALL THE TIME.

One of my coworkers told me about her grandma's funeral - they put her ashes in some PVC pipe, capped it, dug a hole with a posthole digger and dropped her in.

You were using mouthwash to unclog your drains?