She should let Amy Schumer have those jokes. Them shits ain’t funny.

This is how i eat kit kats but not with my hands. I just bite the layers off as i go. Makes those tiny bitches last longer.

Everyone’s joking and we all know he’s Gambit, right?

I would take a constitutional law class from him. It’d be hard to fall asleep with speaking skills like that.

You don’t talk to teens about anything, man. I AM Tyga’s age and I just told a teen that I grew up loving young Leo and that he didn’t have dad bod back then.

Kim is a real bitch for making fun of her brother on tv like that. She should be the last person to mock the weight gain of others. Didn’t she just spend 9 months moaning on about how fat and tired she felt as a pregnant person?

I work at a gym and my coworker has been calling people we’ve never seen before “resolutionaries” to their faces all week. He would definitely be kicked out of planet fitness.

At any time he can look like a bear/raccoon/stuffed animal and he walks with a little butt wiggle like an aristocat. He is the fluffiest bounciest little chubster and I adore him.

Just a fluffy little husky :)

I die. He looks so squeezable. This is my puppy!

TRUTH. If you make gorgeous bon bons or bars and you say it’s valhrona/belcolade/guittard/whatever, nobody cares. Just don’t go around saying you conched the shit yourself. Using luxury couverture is not shameful in any way. We all do it.

These are the kinds of people who, when you ask them where they’re from they don’t name a state. They name every country in Western Europe and then add 1/16th Cherokee.

I’ve been listening with my coworkers and every time a show ends we all scream, “He’s so full of shit!” “What a load of bull!”

Valrhona is delicious. Jacques Torres uses Belcolade. Not all industrial chocolate automatically tastes like candle runoff.

I super love how the questions she asked herself when her husband lost his job weren’t, “How will we feed our family?” or “How will we keep our house?” It was all, “But how come I can’t go get drunk with my friends whenever I want?!”

I’m sad every time I see a recent pic of Kim that looks like she’s wearing a rubber mask that looks like her face over her actual face.

I remember this movie and think about it pretty often. It is a fucking gem. At one point there’s a ferris wheel.

My friend is a chocolatier and has been ranting about how nasty Mast Brothers is for years. Now that this has come out she feels so vindicated.

The internet also tells me that no one outside the internet recognizes or cares about Benedict Cumberbatch. I don’t believe it but it must be true.

You’re completely right. I’ve served and my entire family has too so I get sensitive, but I agree not everyone is a hero just for slapping on a uniform and making a fool out of the rest of us. For every bunch of normals who are walking around working there are a good handful of psychopaths doing heroin and committing…