Well, we can rule out it being a FitBit.

middle school me wouldn’t have made it

So many 14-year-old boys thinking of baseball, baseball, baseball, nothing other than baseball, please god, let me just think about baseball.

I know this is fake because he would never defend a black dude.

Why the hell do girls always go to the bathroom together?

AKA- Pinkeye Challenge

Something, something, teen trends getting shittier.

Um, did you watch the same game I did??

“They hung in there for almost three quarters against a shitty team (before losing by 47!)” is not actually a defense of this extremely atrocious basketball team!

Being down by 5 with 16:00 left in the game and finding a way to lose by 47 is really, really impressive.

Ahmet then threatened to mow the fucking lawn, take out the goddamn trash, and to remember to not be an asshole and leave the fucking toilet seat up. The other rival manager nodded his head and agreed to the deal.

You are correct. That was a bad take.

Hey, Cam, remember how you feel when people ask if a black QB can learn the intricacies of an NFL offense?

This decade’s Chris Weinke

This guy is basically my idol.

I would like all of the starting quarterbacks to get injured so that owners have to resort to using position players before signing Kaepernick to their team.

His qualification is solely “Not Colin Kaepernick”.

...and it’s former 28-year-old rookie Brandon Weeden...

Oh look, we’ve finally found the proper time for people to kneel before the flag.

Ok, now this is just getting mean.