Ignore the scale, it’s fake news. My scale has a serious liberal bias, probably paid by George Soros.

i inadvertently briefed my scale when I told it I only ate kale and edamame all last week so HOW THE FUCK DID I GAIN 7 POUNDS! #nomnom

10/10 would love to see you do those things to that stupid motherfucker. Also so sorry your pregnancy is so tough.

As a currently pregnant person, I’d like to tell this man to fuck the fuck off with his host bullshit. I wanted this baby and pregnancy is miserable as FUCK. This isn’t hosting, this is being bled fucking dry by a goddamned alien (if you’re reading this in the future, little dude, just know that I mean every fucking…

My kegel exercises have been paying off so I’m sure I could snap some off.

So are we a host when we have a penis inside us? Does that penis belong to us while we are hosting it? Can we do with it whatever we want? Just asking.

Andy Cohen is furiously dialing all parties in an attempt to get these people on the next season of Real Housewives of NY.

[insert joke about dykes here?]

Inappropriate?

Man, it would suck if we had an aging infrastructure increasingly more hard- pressed to handle the stress of more severe and frequent extreme weather events caused by a changing climate if that was a thing and not just a librul myth. Luckily, Dear Leader Drumpf and the One Percenter People’s Party assure me that we…

Lake Oroville is currently at 100.1% of capacity. They just increased the release through the main spillway to 113,000 cubic feet/sec, up from 100,000 cfs. The goal is to lower the lake level to below 100% so that water stops spilling over the aux spillway and engineers can get in there and assess the damage, in…

Dammit Beavis!

They need to get out of the dam way.

Should’ve expected a flood of dam jokes to happen...

Damn Dam Damns.

If I went down on someone who tasted like Brie... I would stop going down on them...

Or the mountains of drugs she has to take to handle having to be in the same room with the man she prostituted herself to when she finally has to be in DC.

Jesus H Christ, I hope she doesn’t (and I voted for her). She has too much baggage. She is not a slam dunk candiate and the Democrats need to learn from their mistakes. Run someone young and without years of intrigue behind him/her. Run someone like Obama that will get people excited to vote.

Trash into trash equals trash flavored trash.

Lol. Saw this at Marshall’s too.