Doesn’t want: A bland commuter car

Somehow this sounds like a good way to get accessory drug charges.

What drugs are you on and where can I get some?

1899: ... Smith was arrested and charged with manslaughter but not convicted, since Bliss’ death was ruled unintentional. ...

I was snowboarding for the first time the year that Bono and Kennedy got killed skiing. I was cruising down a green run doing really well, when the skier in me thought to try the powder by the trees. I woke up in an emergency room 2 hours away (Denver) with a tube down my throat and half a dozen doctors/nurses fussing…

Like many of you (but probably not nearly enough of you) I trim my pubes.....

Fell off a bathroom counter when I was 10 because I was trying to see what my asshole looked like. 

Like many of you (but probably not nearly enough of you) I trim my pubes. For this I have a hair trimmer with all sorts of attachment heads. One was used for trimming my goatee (it was 2005, those were still acceptable) or cleaning up my sideburns but there was one, with a guard, that I used downstairs.

Before mine, I’m curious if Megan can share what would be an appropriate amount of human blood in her soup that would stop her from throwing soup out?

“The 2019 Hitler includes individual ashtrays for all seven passengers, allowing all of your Jewish friends to ride in style and comfort.”

Italian cars just emit a plume of black smoke, along with a handy illumination system that can be seen and smelled from miles around.

“If we choose the name you suggest, we’ll bring you to China on a VIP “Bin Yue” Experience Tour.”

Even if it was a joke, what is rule number 1 in car culture?

“...so than i filled his oil filter with metal shavings"

On a related note in older cars: replacement engine mounts. It’s amazing how much tighter everything goes when your acceleration goes to the wheels and not to the engine dancing in the bay. 

Have you ever farted on your phone, because the only safe place for it was between your legs? NOT ANY MORE! Our butt plug with tractor beam has an (optional) fart shield!

They’re the rules right from the official source:

I’ve never seen this procedure in my repair manual.

Nope. Mountain Dew is unofficially the official drink of auto dealers. Salesman and especially mechanics live off the stuff. I’ve been out of the industry for over 5 years and still can’t kick the habit.

Fixed it for you!