I can’t listen to this brother-in-law beater anymore.

I’m kinda digging that new Taylor Swift song, September. That’s got “Electric Slide material” written all over it.

“Who the hell forwards nude photos of strangers without permission...?”

I made it exactly one line into the song. “Do you remem-ber...”

The Cooper thing reminds me of when white folk started dancing down the aisle at weddings in the mid-90's or so, just in time to start posting it on YouTube. It was the hottest thing since sliced Wonder Bread! They even incorporated it into the wedding episode of The Office. How awesome was that?!?

Who gives a shit about these political maneuverings? What I want to know is if their computer systems are back online so I can pay my decade-old traffic court fine that I just found about when I went to go get my FLORIDA driver’s license renewed. Fire whoever’s in charge of IT security, and whoever could have slipped…

Knives and Rules of Survival are from China. There doesn’t seem to be a shortage of Chinese people.

FYI crispy bacon crumbled onto a couple scoops of ice cream is fantastic! I’ve had it on vanilla bean ice cream and coffee-flavored, worked great on both.

Ain’t no mountains here in Florida, dog. Unless you count Space Mountain at Disney World.

That’s every state. What do you think Georgia would be like if there were no Atlanta and Savannah? Florida without Orlando, Tampa, and Miami? New York without NYC and Buffalo?

They can do that easily. They don’t want to give you hand baskets because they want you to get a cart instead. Most people will end up putting more stuff in their cart, stuff they hadn’t intended on buying when they walked into the store.

Here’s a free tip fr0m me: STOP GOING TO SEE THEM THEN!!!

Eff it! We’ll do it live!

That video from the bar was a little... ruff.

“Metallic Gold”? Isn’t that like saying... wooden wood?

That was surely the best thing I’ve seen all day.

Yep, because everyone who was accused was 100% guilty.

You question whether potato wedges are actually fries, but give a free pass to Chick-Fil-A’s giant potato disks?

Isn’t a birth certificate a medical document?

And he would have gotten away with it too if it weren’t for you meddlin’ kids!