Every almost-fight I’ve almost gotten in as an adult has been over people not picking up after their dogs (or letting them run wild and disrupt wildlife and other people in “no dogs allowed” or leash only areas). At some point I guess I decided I couldn’t abide that behavior without mentioning it, and my god do people…

“Everyone in Philly maintains a cult-like reverence for a fifth-tier snack cake brand.”

Dang, I feel a bit let down. This entry felt downright tame. Of course, I don’t think anything could top last year’s Fucktomb. I’d say this was the best dig that I don’t remember seeing in previous entries in some variation:

“Down With This Sort of Thing” has become my protest rallying cry.

This guy can help.

Dear Penthouse,

>Trindade, without consulting the firm, filed a criminal complaint with the Sao Paulo police alleging that Neymar raped her

Vampire Weekend’s discography is the official soundtrack of gentrification  

Regarding checking out at the grocery store:

I don’t want to download their app, so out of luck.

Chef: MY MOM

Man, this Bryan Colangelo story has sure taken a dark twist.

Maybe someone could check his Collar ID.

“They’ll probably lose a heartbreaker Sunday. That’s how it usually goes.” Spoken like a true Philadelphia sports fan. It is only we who understand this type of disappointment.

- The National Anthem before NFL games

There’s only one thing to be done: trade him to the Pelicans for 9 conditional 2nd round picks in the years 2049-2057 with the condition that he change his name to N’Awlins.

You know what would be REALLY repulsive? Hosting the Olympics in say, 2000 and parading pretty much every medalist in your nations history with one exception. The most recent male track and field medalist. The guy who happened to be on the podium when two African-American men made a black power salute. He would be…

He said friendliest, not nicest. Not the same thing.

There’s a level on which my favorite part of this is the official press release containing the sentence “We are not screwing around, Philly.”

No Bernie Ecclestone? Stef Shrader needs to have a word with you guys.