Exactly my intent. And on the off chance there are still some optimistic folks out there who are just planning for their mortgage payment, I hope to set them on the right path! 

I don’t think the Bruins view Barstool as to toxic to talk about. They more likely view Deadspin as too toxic a venue in which to explain their arrangement with Barstool. (Note: I do not agree with this.)

There isn’t a single active guard 34 or older currently in the league.

As an American living on Toronto and in an office full of nice Raptors fans, “we are like a college sports team” still has to be the most definitively Canadian sports brag I’ve ever heard.

“He doesn’t, obviously, have the touch to produce all the time,”

“We need to move this large rock. What should we do?”

Just stop calling them back. If they don’t leave a message, it’s not worth calling about.

Manny Machado: good-natured scamp.

There was a kid where I lived growing up named Trapper Hunter Fisher. That’s gotta be up there too.

I’m not sure if “Hunter Mayo” is the whitest name ever, but it has to be in the top 5.

So until they get more money, they’re boycotting one league that already went out of business due to lack of fan interest or funding, and another perpetually teetering on the brink “with a lengthy history of financial hardship.” I’m not sure what their leverage is supposed to be.

Chris Paul? I usually blame Chris Paul. 

Starring you for being a reasonable B’s fan. All I ever hear is “If YOUR team had him you would love him.” No. Some minor goonery is always fun but BM takes it to another level sometimes. How many other athletes in any other sport have had their league go out of the way to tell them to stop licking people? There’s…

He had zero penalty minutes coming into the series. His penalty in Game 2 allowed Columbus to tie the game on the power play...and his penalty last night allowed Columbus to score the game-winner on the power play. With the Blue Jackets rolling on special teams, Boston can’t afford even “regular” pest shit from…

Not to get all serious in a Funbag comment section, but when reading the letter from the soon-to-be-father: the reality is that the world is better today than it ever has been before. Not a little better, either; it’s a hugely, wildly, amazingly better place than it has ever been before.

if only there were other places that offered the ability to do that

ALL NUDE

Because stupid people think they are intelligent.

The main telephone number for Indiana Elite Prep is also the number for Elite Lawn Mowing, a landscaping company in Richmond.