Holes in hands = not good for throwing a ball

I don't think God cares a whole lot about the outcome. He cares about the people involved, but I don't think he's a big football fan. It's not like he cares about all the people involved, either. Your Blaine Gabberts and Toby Gerharts. I mean, God is God, not some family of sorry looking white slobs with no other…

He cares about the NFL players so much, he usually meets them 15-20 years sooner than you'd expect.

Why would God watch football when his son can't even win the quarterback job for the fucking Titans?

I beg to differ. My friend Jesús won't shut the fuck up about fútbol.

This isn't anything new. After Super Bowl XXV, Scott Norwood kept shaking his head and muttering "God hates FGs".

"That's God setting it up, to make it so dramatic, so rewarding, so special," he said, as he was untied by his father Abraham.

This is the coolest thing that has ever happened to Kyle Korver.

Driving at those speeds on a public road is, to me, the same as firing a gun into a crowd of people.

First league investigation of improperly deflated balls that didn't involve PED use.

I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure I've seen horses just kinda chilling in fields being horses somewhere.

C'mon, these horses knew the risks involved when they chose a career in professional horse racing.

#1: Don't race horses.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say you're a Penn State fan.

I love that Andy Reid leads by example when it comes to off-season conditioning.

I really don't see the argument against him for greatest of all time unless you're just counting Stanley Cups. Look at the rosters of those Buffalo teams he won the MVPs for. They're trainwrecks. Brodeur and Roy were playing behind multiple all-stars and hall of fame defensemen.

Clint Malarchuk doesn't agree with your "nearly decapitates himself" assessment.

Cocaine speeds things up, you can even do the rehab quicker.

To be fair, after losing his soul that kid's NFL draft stock improved dramatically.

"Oh wow. Must suck for the offense when the league makes an arbitrary rule that makes your job that much harder. (wanking motion)"- Every defender in the league.