The “hair” is actually his mind-control parasite’s breathing tube.

Insurance scam. “Yes, MetLife? My horse has died and I would like to collect on its life insurance. Of course it’s dead. I just so happened to snap several pictures of the dead horse, next to a copy of today’s USA Today.”

To the Bicycle Bear supporters: you are all monsters. Both the monkey and the bear are victims here, and the bear doesn’t “reclaim his identity” by turning on his fellow prisoner. Now, if the monkey and the bear had teamed up to maul one of the slavemasters...

Item Bear is the clear winner. He demonstrates that even simple beasts can be Just Like Us. You know, like Phil Simms.