“Yeah, but he has his name in big gold letters on a bunch of buildings so he must be brilliant, LIBTARD! Your just jelous!”

--some guy with a Facebook profile picture of a fish he caught

Nah, he was born on third, somehow wandered into deep right field, and insists he hit a home run.

When I was in my 2o’s, I had a cute butt, perky tits and tiny waist. (But no silicone tits right under my chin.) Now I’m almost 67. After two pregnancies and a hard bout with breast cancer 18 year ago, I have a saggy ass, thick waist, poochy tummy and lopsided boobs. I still go to the gym to increase my muscle mass,…

You vote for a face eating leopard, you get deported by a face eating leopard.

I don’t want to post this... oh hell yes I do.

+1,000,000 points to the school for saying “hell no” to those agents. How morally bankrupt do you have to be to harass a MINOR at school? It reminds me of collection companies that will call or email the CEO of the company you work for, or harass your extended family.

There’s only one good Robin Hood movie.

Sadly, it was not for lack of trying. Still, he didn’t succeed, and I’ll take that as a win.

Has anyone ever had the experience of going on a package holiday and a bus picks up several parties at the airport and drops them to different hotels, and every now and again the bus pulls up to a particularly shabby accommodation where everyone holds their breath, wondering will their name be called to disembark…

omg that pink dress is amazingggggggg

I’d really like to know how much time/money she spends daily on makeup/hair. She looks like she never steps out of the house without first being styled by a professional team whose goal is to make her look like a Kardashian’s idea of a businesswoman.

It’s all so bad, but for some reason the part where she humblebrags about her husband taking a picture of her “digging in the garden with the kids in our backyard, my hair in a messy ponytail, dirt on my cheek” set me off the most. She really thinks she’s something, doesn’t she.

Just start quoting The Simpsons or talk about computer programming. No need for a broom.

My friend came into some money (investment banker). Brought a boat. He had no idea how it attracted women and how shameless they were about it. He found out the men at the marina have a name for the ladies who leech off of them because of their yachts...Boat Hoes.

The mistake is partying on your yacht all year round. You need to pull it, winterize the engine, and apply anti-groupie paint to the hull.

Can you use a broom to shoo them away, or do you have to pry them off, like barnacles on the hull?

Once they’re stuck to the yacht they won’t move. It’s their ideal environment and only a prolonged treatment of lack of champagne, coke, and caviar will pry them loose.

This is my takeaway too. I wonder how many takes he wastes with slurring and swaying.

^valid

My oldest will be 3 in 2 days and I’ll be 39 in 2 weeks. I am so very thankful for 36 years of sleep and “me” time. No regrets.