All right, did anyone else groan when Bette Midler came out to sing "Wind Beneath My Wings?" She's a treasure and I love her, but honestly, are there no other songs about loss? Should I just be grateful they didn't trot out Elton John for "Candle in the Wind"?

Okay, in these Tina Fey American Express commercials — she's not swiping the magnetic strip. She's swiping the other edge of the card. TINA FEY IS NOT BUYING ANYTHING, PEOPLE. THE ADS ARE A LIE.

LU-PI-TAAAAAA!!!!

Also, can I just reiterate that the budget for makeup for "Dallas Buyers Club" was $250? For the entire film. They used oats and cornmeal from a PA's mom's kitchen to mimic seborrheic dermatitis.

I just want to pet the adorable Frenchman who just won for best animated short.

Triple garlic pasta from seriouseats.com. Only my husband will be able to bear my presence tomorrow (because he's eating it too).

I'm guessing he looks like his mom and his brother looks like his (their?) dad.

JORDAN CATALLANO WON AN OSCAR!

The backdrop looks like it's made out of gummy Oscars. I want to eat them.

The commentator for ABC - Lara something? She looks like she rolled in fancy kitty litter.

Here, I fixed it for him:

I don't know if this is a thing, but I've noticed something weird about our loveable rescue mutt. She had puppies before she was was rescued, spayed, and adopted by us. I've noticed that when I take her to the dog park, male dogs that haven't yet been neutered seem to show a.... special interest in her. They don't…

So what, she needed to differentiate Michael Sam from all of the other football players that have come out lately? *facepalm*

Do Cliffs Notes count as books?

So by "super, super small, intimate" wedding, Kim means that they'll get married in a minor league baseball stadium instead of AT & T Park, right?*

Yes, but the NFL represents all that is good about AMERICA! Or so this aptly described dipshit would have us believe. He's apparently okay with every other U.S. organization hiring gay people — or even with the NFL hiring gay people in non-player roles — but as soon as a team even considers hiring Michael Sam, BOOM!…

From what I've read, the NFL operates in a weird carved-out space where they're technically a non-profit and an allowed monopoly? So in theory, laws passed by Congress could apply to them, even though you'd think they'd be a private employer and able to hire whomever they please.*

This seems like a good opportunity to share this obviously photoshopped photo of Nick Searcy, which is apparently from Michelle Malkin's bilious cesspool of a website.

Let's try to figure out what other bisyllabic word he might have said instead of the word he says he didn't say! Perhaps he said "rabbit"?

I think people also used to have kids because there was limited knowledge about how, you know, you could have sex without having babies. In researching my family history, a lot of the women had babies every two years or so - i.e., when kid number #1 was weaned, they almost immediately got pregnant again with #2, or 3…