The names of the main characters in Finnegans Wake literally change hundreds, if not thousands, of times. Smash all conventions, Jimmy! But I’ll bet at bedtime your children never said: “Daddy, read us a story.”

I’ve never heard a Bruno Mars song. But one-hit mediocrity Meshell Ndegeocello sucks pussy. And who knows how to pronounce her name?

If black men ever march in protest against black women they’ll only have to use part of the tired, corny chant. And endlessly shout: “Hey ho, hey ho...”

Can Superman still fly when his cape is at the cleaners? In other words, is the cape aerodynamically necessary?

The blackest thing about the kid’s journal entry is his attempt to spell acknowledge. The blackest thing about Damon Young is his attempt to change a word Morgan Freeman used in ‘Glory’ from nigger to nigga. 

If you have an erection lasting four hours or more with a red thing at the tip, call your veterinarian.

Christianity.

Didn’t need the miracle. I had Maple Grove +18.

Jemele Hill proves black lives matter because she’s paid to talk even though her voice sounds like what a bug would sound like if bugs could talk.

Is there ever going to be a march of black men against black women? The men could just use a truncated version of the predictable, tired, laughable chant. They could repeat it endlessly, exhibiting the perseveration so endemic to blacks. “Hey ho, hey ho...Hey ho, hey ho...”

“Jackson’s best player!” Anthony’s career average Wins Produced/48 Minutes is .055. An average player rating is .099. He’s produced an average of 2.9 wins per season. An average full-time starter produces about 6. If you want to study how truly wretched he’s been: http://www.boxscoregeeks.com/players/215-carmelo-anthon…

Damon Rutherford lives.

Simple math. Bradshaw & Montana in Super Bowls: 4-0. Brady: 5-2. 5 minus 2 equals 3. Results: Bradshaw & Montana: +4. Brady: +3. Unfair, you say: getting to 7 is more important? Are Jim Kelly (0-4) and Tarkenton (0-3) in the conversation as the greatest of all time?

A cream pie would be another example of white privilege.

Methinks the Lady Magary doth protest too much. I’m neutral on Lupica but, Yeezus West, somebody’s got a cockleburr up his ass about him. I can understand such effort in dismantling Franzen or Wallace. But Mike Lupica! His column seemed OK to me. I have only two questions. Can Durant bench 185 now? And will he soon be…

It took Gladwell 10,000 hours to couple “tipping” instead of “turning” with “point”.

Laremy dropped due to his Combine numbers. Would you draft a lineman who managed only one rep on the gas mask bong?

Can’t watch any video with the odious Hannah Storm in it. But I couldn’t avoid a glance at her generic “tv-broadcaster’s serious face”. When the talking heads put that face on, their expressions are more like what you’d expect from someone who’s irritated from anal seepage. But lemme guess, the next piece wasn’t…

Jordan & Bryant, the two biggest ball hogs in basketball history. And were it not for David Stern making sure a master fix would always be in, neither would have a single championship ring. The Stern Memos will be discovered some day, causing other worthless point machines like Gervin & Dominique to wonder why they…

When does ESPN plan to air a truncated version of the piece? Do you think they’ll edit in some tender piano in the background?