Like, I’m definitely going to shit talk about Cam because he kicked the shit out of my Seahawks so I hate him now, but that’s how you do football.

I’m with you on that.

Voila Davis is absolutely fucking stunning.

In other news...

How I see Jeb!

I love Judge Judy and her no-nonsense approach to things but, while I agree with not keeping schlubs around, I feel frustrated that the focus always seems to be on what women should and shouldn’t do to facilitate men’s behavior. Let’s teach men that it’s unacceptable to be that thing instead of telling women to not…

I am... not trendy. I give up. I’ll go back to making my fortune playing bingo.

This is the truthiest thing I’ve read today.

I didn’t think I was, like, unique.

Since I write quite a lot and have been published a couple of times, I know the difficulty of writing a good book. I, however, am not attempting to write a good book here... just cheesy jack-off material that will net me $40 million. No big.

This is horrifying. I feel so hard for this girl. I know very well how hard it is to feel safe again after rape but I can’t imagine how much harder it will be having been revictimized by those who are supposed to protect you.

Right? Like, I basically come up with my own every time I masturbate. Might as well write that shit down. After, of course.

I need to start writing bad erotica, like, now.

Ah, good point.

I don’t even know what to take away from this. Yes, I want someone intelligent and ambitious but that’s because I’m intelligent and ambitious. I also want someone who physically turns me on. I thought that was pretty universal.

I need some D real bad.

I’m still hoping that he’s playing the long con. Like, once he gets the nomination, hell must be like, “ ha-ha, jk, here’s the presidency Hilz/Bernie!”

I’m allergic to the cold. Just thinking about this gives me hives.

I have no idea how to deal with this song. I’m just like...