The other day I did sort of lose track of how many cars I own! Someone asked me and suddenly I was like, “oh my gosh. Is it 5 or is it 6? I have 5 cars right? No....6? It could it be 7??” But then I realized I was thinking of bananas. I had 5 BANANAS at home. Easy mistake.

There’s a solid chance he’ll be found not guilty owing to reasonable doubt but he faces another trial later this year for conduct specifically while working at CBC so with any luck the prosecution learns from its mistakes here and strings him up in that one. Regardless, his professional career is about done.

Wear a scarf while driving.

No, Money$$$... I am Adam Sandler.

Thank you, this is a way better way of expressing my dubiousness over the situation

“Hold on, I jut want to BERN one down real quick! Ha ha, get it, cuz my name is..”/coughing/

Did anyone else think he was taking a big toke off a little joint in that picture at first glance?

“That moment when you realize your name sounds like a hairball”

this just all seems like so much work. I enjoy my routine of feeling shitty about myself and then drinking until I don’t feel that feeling anymore.

And if I’m noticing a little weight gain I just switch to clear liquors and toast for a week and I’m golden.

or Chief Operating Oligarch at House Of Penises

I used my dick and reach three words per minute: those words are “I call bullshit”

Cooper is currently COO at Hop

Ultraviolence is an excellent album. Didn’t like it at first, but you have to kind of pay attention to it in order to appreciate it.

i am beginning my personal transformation into a lifestyle blogger as we speak

“I common-sensically have stopped eating!”

I love Lana Del Rey and I don’t care who knows it

see also: Muddin’ up a storm (4 u)

I saw this on last night’s tweet beat and when you could we not i immediately thought of it.

Gwen Stefani’s Rejected Song Titles: