ain’t nobody got time for thaaaat

I look like Groucho Marx if I let mine go in and, though I am a fan of those who can pull off the natural brow...my face just doesn’t take kindly to it.

I don’t have a LEGIT uni-brow but there is one LONG FUCKER who likes to grow DIRECTLY in the middle and just appears as if out of nowhere some mornings. I take great…

I’m relatively average-thin everywhere else (ok ok maybe some junk in the trunk) but that damn paunch is there and does not seem to want to leave. So I’ve just embraced it. Put a little sombrero on it. Gave it a nickname. Hold it when I’m nervous. We’re quite close now, she knows all my secrets.

WHATS HAPPENING OMG

HAH OK most of the grumpy passengers I’ve ever encountered on planes are in and around the Boomer generation.

that’s why my photographer friends and I call it “potato-chop”

“What...are you?”

Hungry, usually.

A friend of mine has a 5 year old who has started putting her hands in her pants and she was super cool about it and basically just looked at her and said, in the least shamey way possible “we do not touch our vulvas at the dinner table. that is a private time activity, remember?” Kid learns not to do it in public,…

I don’t really get this cause I was taught never to pluck from the top and have always gone from the bottom up.

She reminded me that I need to see a brow specialist though cause I don’t think I’m doing mine the right shape anyways

I love that you thought she was lying about periods. Come to think of it, it DOES seem really out of the world and like something someone would come up with to mess with you.

Growing up, my mother had a friend whose Italian parents told her “avere due piedi in una scarpa” before she left the house to go out. When my mom finally caved and asked what they were saying, she explained it meant “keep two feet in one shoe” aka, don’t spread em.

“Well, I think you should wait until marriage because (Jesus reasons). But if you decide not to, here’s what you need to know.”

UGH WHY CANT ALL RELIGIOUS FOLK TEACH KIDS LIKE THIS

It makes me laugh that she learned at a young age about masturbation through the wonders of the internet....which led to her being very sex positive, open, and educated....and yet the first reaction is still to block her sister from doing the same thing?

I know the internet is a scary place and lord knows what kids do…

Nevermind, found it! “Let Em Say” by Lizzo and Caroline Smith, which I am stoked to find out because I saw Lizzo open for Sleater Kinney last year and she’s fucking magical

Anyone know the song playing during the split-screen montage?

YES YES YES

ITS ALWAYS A KONTEST

you mean NOTED photographer Nigel Barker.

that’s a nice story, grandpa.

this is fucking hilarious