I've fucked at least three guys who had tattoos of ex-girlfriends' names. I've fucked at least two guys who were missing multiple teeth. I was involved with one guy for a while even though he had a tattoo of an ex-girlfriend's name, AND was missing multiple teeth, AND used to be a Blood and replaced every "c" in his…

I couldn't date a man who isn't a feminist or at least willing to become one. The latter are usually well meaning people who just don't understand that they probably already are.

It would be so refreshing if someone said they liked short walks on the beach. Like, ten minutes on the beach, and then we can go get coffee.

A weak handshake makes me think one of two things: Either you find me so repulsive that you can barely stand to even touch my hand, or you are of feeble mind and will and are probably ineffectual at your job.

I usually figure the very occasional celebration and habitual "pack a day" smoking are pretty different.

And not just from men. A weak handshake from a woman bothers me, too. Like, come on, we're better than that. Put your back into it, ladies!

If they like hiking or long walks on the beach.

Who the fuck gives their mistresses books? Because if someone is giving books as tokens they better be rare first editions!

Toddler eating habits = always a bad match. How can a man eat pussy if he doesn't like quiche? He can't.

Yeah, I'm the suspicious sort, but that sounds like the kind of story that's later followed with a revelation that his wife isn't actually in a coma but has a lot of medical problems and can't have sex with him and doesn't understand him.

Oh my God, yes. I love when someone's like "just try it!" and I wanna be like "How do you think I figured out that I hate the texture? By staring at it really hard until it telepathically indicated to me that it would feel like a soggy sock on my tongue?"

This is going to sound incredibly random but people who salt their food without tasting it first. To me, it signals that nothing is ever up to their standards and they are unwilling to even give it a chance.

"Well, I thought you'd have lost weight before trying to date."

I once had an "Actor" show up to a date still wearing lipstick from his job (singing carols at a christmas market...nice acting, broham) and then proceed to criticize me for wearing too much makeup. He also said "Your pictures didn't suggest you'd be fat" and I was like "I literally have a full body shot on okcupid.…

This is just a place for OKCupid horror stories, right? I'm in!

Poor taste in cologne and/or deodorant.

Kids. If I find out you have them, I am no longer interested.

cat owners (sorry, that's a completely fair one in my case)

I found out that his mother drove an hour in from the suburbs once a week to clean his bathtub for him.

Your sister is a role model for us all.