I’ve heard a lot about Bill Murray’s “Your friends will never believe you!” acts. It’s either urban legend or Bill Murray is actually a fucking legend.

Once I was walking down the street in Chicago and a man suddenly put their hands over my eyes and said “Guess who?” I guessed the only man I knew in Chicago, but it wasn’t him. I turned around and it was Bill Murray! I said “Bill Murray!” He then laughed at me, picked me with a big bear hug, and deposited me in a…

I mean, I guess I understand the argument for not spending any time deciding what you’re going to wear if you want to stretch it...but do you need 25 fucking identical blazers to accomplish the task? It’s not like they’re power forwards who can’t play out of position.

Sam stood out from the start. “Born on third base,” as he says, not because his family had money but because he considers intellect, not class, to be the new driver in society.

The Browns have yet to purchase any as the team prefers to just shit on the field.

Eli Manning is now demanding a sideline fort of his own.

He is not gay.

I dunno...it is the champagne of beers.

It was flagged for leading with the helmet.

Andy Reid reaching into his pants to pull out his red challenge dildo

Don’t ask how they got it in.

Gronk’s 69th Touchdown Party is starting a tad early.

With extra-long cleats like that, they’d never have to cancel the Hall of Fame game again — it’s a miracle!

I’m crying on the toilet, and I didn’t even have Chipotle yesterday.

The hell with the black boxes. Why is his right forearm bright orange?!

Great. Now I’m crying in a McDonald’s. And it's not for any of the usual reasons.

Holy crap.

Harsh, but, yeah.

Play the Oscar Pistorious drinking game: every time your loved one goes to the bathroom, take 4 shots.

Another off-target kick affects the Vikings adversely. Drew is gonna drink a lot tonight.