This is excellent. You have a way with words, my friend. 

I didn't think Wallet Biopsies were within medics' scope of practice :/

Obligatory:

My eyes saw the actual picture, but my brain translated it to this

He was probably taking Ambien C(auses) R(acism)

There was another on Here & Now just a minute ago (not a WH talking head, some nutjob radio host), and I nearly had a rage stroke. Condescending laughter, sighs, and outright lies...I’ve never heard Robin Young get worked up, but she actually cut her off several times to refute the nonsense.

I spent several summers as a camp counselor in Southern Illinois, the swampass capitol of the Midwest, and my god... I absolutely loved it, but I’ll never forget the smell of being surrounded by 40 tween/teen girls who have spent a week “showering” in their bathing suits sans soap. I worked in the stables surrounded…

Ah, good ol KFC mac and cheese... With the single baked bean that’s always lurking somewhere in every order.

I’m so glad I’m not the only one whose brain immediately went there.

This is from 2011, but still applicable to your point. The line has definitely shifted

All I can think of is this:

I initially always read it as melena, which is the inexplicably elegant-sounding medical word for dark bloody poop.

It’s like Amy’s Baking Company: Government Edition

God, I actually wish I was back working at the Justice Center just so I could have been the one to do his intake assessment! It was a total hellhole, but it would be worth it.

Exactly. Once again, Jim Wright says what I’m thinking better than I can.

I bought a thingy of Kenra Glossing Drops from Ulta a few years ago and went home all excited to coat my hair in goo. I attempted to pump out the recommended amount of goop and...Nothing came out. When I unscrewed the top, I realized why: the bottle had never been filled. Like, it didn’t even smell like the stuff and…

God, I love Jim Wright.

My dad is a farmer who has 2 artificial knees. My mother is a hospice nurse with 2 artificial hips. They’re 59 and 56, respectively.

Me too! He gives me hope for the future of country music.