That excerpt was great, Jeff.

Fuck the NCAA. Sure. Definitely even!

If you woke up after noon, nobody gives a fuck if you are confused.

I happily snagged Shaw in the last round of my fantasy draft a couple weeks ago. But also, no one cares about my fantasy team.

Serious talk: I think Shaw has shown more than you give him credit for. 13 HR in about 250 PAs is nothing to sneeze at, and not a hugely small sample size. Plus, if you haven’t actually seen him play, you haven’t seen that he really drives the ball well, which bodes well for his being able to maintain his level of…

I'm from the south so I know how devastating it is getting the clap from cousins.

Byron Scott: “Do we want to talk about Miami at all?”

I dnt play them games

He was concussed. No question. Wasn’t intentional. I know hockey. Believe me. I know. I watch the best hockey.

I really think we should take the NFL at its word here. In fact, let’s prove their point: we put Roger in a football helmet, then hit him in the head with a sledgehammer 255 times. It won’t cause any long-term effects, right? Everyone okay with this? Great, let’s get on it!

yeah i mean who among us doesnt remember the french revolution

What don’t you understand about this? They ARE part of the process. A horrible part of the process, but a part of the process nonetheless. And as a part of the process, they are something he needs to contend with.

I dunno what happened to Jezebel since I got re-grayed, but it seems that right-wing apologetics have taken over and a $350,000-per-chair fundraiser—even unholy by Republican standards—is now just “how the sausage gets made”.

yes this makes me so happy. hahahahahahahaha. And know I just need to lean back in my chair with a nice glass of Laphroaig and pretend that this was a pivotal moment in a playoff series and it cost the Warriors dearly. How sweet, how sweet indeed.

By “there,” you almost certainly mean HERE, which is where you can sign up for the Deadspin newsletter and have the best of Deadspin delivered directly to your inbox every day! No muss, no fuss!

If a girl says she wants to be “just friends,” but you were never her friend to begin with, does that mean that you’re ugly and you’ll never find love no matter how many books on pick up artistry you take out of the local library and also, who needs friends anyway?