That’s because if the charges stuck then Ezekiel’s jersey would yield lesser profits.

I think the missing variable is trading seven picks in 2016 and 2017, i.e. leveraging your long-term future, to get to the No. 1 overall pick who can’t even be counted on as a backup. Manning and Aikman fell into the Colts/Cowboys’ laps, so why not go ahead and start them.

Shit I forgot “and owned by an avaricious, unscrupulous, toupeed basket case”

Bonus points if there are any “face of the franchise” billboards in LA improvidently put up with Goff’s picture to publicize the return of this moribund franchise to a shitty stadium in a town that doesn’t care.

Sieges are traditionally associated with standing armies, not with a pirate ships that generally operated as small, autonomous units for maximum getaway speed and stealth.

#ProvidingAppropriateToolsRequiredtoInterceptandObstructTerrorism

#JetFuelBurnsHot

#TooManyMenOnTheFieldPenalty

#BearlyAlive

If I remember correctly it’s Swedish for “Cheers”, either that or a cinnamon schnapps-flavored chewing tobacco.

#TheCupboardIsBear

I prefer #DidYouMissUsWaitDontAnswerThat

Come on, boring hashtaggers, surely you could try something interesting:

He might as well be that announcer that sounds like he’s having a grand mal seizure when describing an A-bomb from A-rod

I just feel we need a Jheri-curled Sam Jackson in a black suit, waving a gun around and screaming “Say ‘both sides are the same’ again, motherfucker!”

I like the Astros’ mix of young players, overpaid Cuban exiles of indeterminate age, the height-challenged, several Rob Deer types, and no discernible starting pitching to speak of (two behind the Orioles for the 2nd wild card spot, 1.5 ahead of the Yankees.

If Tony LaRussa was behind it, then I’d ask his assistant General Manager, Jack Daniels.

Sorry, Houston hit its limit of 100,000 strip clubs in the late 90s and no new applications are being accepted.

I’m looking forward to their off-off-off-off-off-off-off Broadway revue, Ailes Fair in Love in War.

(scores TD)