What can I say? I can’t resist a golden opportunity.

With a Republican-controlled everything, I’m assuming I will have to teach myself self-dentistry.

Anyone else find themselves constantly doing that thing where you start a rant, decide you need to stop because you’re going to make yourself sick/have a rage stroke, and then 10 seconds later start up again because you just can’t stop?

Every so often I’ll remember that he’s going to be POTUS and it takes all my self control not to go on a sweary rant. And I’m not even American, I can’t even imagine how bad it is for you guys.

“How is this real life?” will never not be an appropriate response to anything that happens for the next four years. Fuck. Fuck.

They lock maternity wards down so tight now, it’s crazy. My kid was an hour old and had on a proximity alarm, three bar codes that corresponded to me, and a microchip. No exaggeration. And my hospital required babies to room in with the parents.

Every delivery ward I’ve been in in the past 10 years have a system so that this never happens. They baby has a monitor attached to them and there are sensors that if they’re taken beyond them, go off. Security is tight.

Seriously at this point how the fuck is this real life. It’s too much to absorb. Like my new reality has shifted too quickly and I can’t fucking handle it. If I had the money I seriously would just go and herd cows at this point. The world has gone fucking mad.

Haha, it will never work. I went to a family wedding where the bride tried this, and my family passed a fifth of it around before we left the house, then my (60-year-old) dad dropped enough cash to make it worth the bartender’s while to pour 20 of us a round of shots. We didn’t do any of this crap. If you’ve got a…

It’s ALWAYS Florida. It always will be.

Amanda Willis, 23, “drank almost a whole entire bottle of Fireball” within the first hour of the reception and turned drunk and violent.

This is her 9th arrest in Charlotte County and the bride says that they are no longer friends.

I’d proudly wear a rainbow of Fuck Yous

Someone should make a whole set in different, yet coordinating colors:

All the conservative butthurt over the GGs this morning is delicious. It’s not much, but I’ll take it.

SO WHERE CAN I BUY THIS?

I wish this would stop being called a fucking fantasy. These fuckers raped and murdered a child, full stop.

It’s essentially the same thing as the nazi Lebensborn program that did, in fact, exist for ten years or so, combined with the current evangelical christian practice of exploiting poor, unwed mothers in to giving their babies up for adoption to loving, righteous christian families.

“An inspiring tale of the future” -the GOP