#YOLO#NeverSailingWithWhiteLineAgain#SoCold

I’m not usually a Deadspin apologist, but I don’t see anywhere saying people should ignore the NFL. This is merely a guide for those who would like to.

Seriously. I have been so disappointed by Winston’s success.

Joke’s on you, Kanell. I may be alone on my couch, but I not wearing any pants.

Aaaaaaand, we’re going to need that sash, too, mkay?

Similar, but with less child rape.

As a fellow Russian dashcam-fan, is there a bleaker place on earth?

Glad I could give you chuckle. Dr. Carson is one exciting, charismatic guy!

Ben Carson’s Recipe:

Is there an advantage to starting with cold water? What if I followed your recipe, but covered the pasta with hot water?

That, and the fact that this happened in what’s nothing more than a well-hyped exhibition game.

You can buff that out, right?

Alternate Recipe:

“Only ESPN can so thoroughly screw the pooch like this.”

So, is this person named Anguilla?

Extra crispy bacon is also a hate crime.

I guess this disproves the idea that everything is better when bacon-wrapped.

This is pretty close to what I’d imagine a fair system could look like, but I think it would ultimately destroy college sports as we know them.

And since the Bay Area is sexually liberal, the Raiders plan to jack Del Rio.

Will I ever get to learn why, in an article about Steve Harvey and Miss Universe, you were asking about my professional background?