Too small.

Bill Simmons always knew there was a 50% chance of this happening to him, but since it wasn’t a LEGIT 50% he didn’t get Cousin Sal to take the necessary precautions.

I would like the 4th-and-inches down to be more specific

Berman was a victim of what happens to a lot these sports media clowns.

I think they should get all of the Mikes they can. Mike Lupica, Mike Francesa, Mike Wise, Mike Wilbon, Mike Tyson. Just get them all in the same studio, and call the show What You Deserve For Listening to Sports Radio.

Too bad Dwight Eisenhower isn’t still alive.

It’s clear everyone involved is lying but it’s not clear exactly why they are lying. Everyone know you all are just a bunch of fascists, why wouldn’t you be working together?

Why is anyone surprised to encounter a turd in the toilet?

Here’s what I’m hoping happens. In my neighborhood, when it was built a long time ago, there was a pool. Since the development was new and everyone had kids, pool memberships were hard to come by, and buyers outnumbered sellers. So to get into the pool was like $3k or something ridiculous, but you could sell that…

Ben Carson is a yawn made sentient.

I know a lot of us, myself included, didn’t think her running this year as VP was a good idea because she is so vital in the Senate. With this fucking dumpster fire headed our way for the next four years though, I think 2020 would be the PERFECT time for her.

You know what, I hope TPSH’s “conspiracy” theory is right because it would mean that the NHL actually did something right — it would be an unqualified and indisputably Good Decision for the NHL to improve the visibility of black players in the game in an effort to sell the game to more people.

I can think of another new symbol that more accurately gauges fan interest

Think you will give Titanfall 2 a try Heather?

I would be saying “el oh el” if I weren’t so furious at what his actions meant for the country. Scumbag.

Facing a 2020 lineup that apparently also includes fucking Mario Cuomo,

Not only this, but watching teams implode after a move puts a ton of power in the host city’s hands.

Sure no problem. Birth control coverage will be totally gone and the cost of birth control will go up by around 760%.

Chris Berman: [flashes wallet]