The Jets actually started recruiting Hightower while he was still a member of the Patriots by leaving a couple of cupcakes on his schedule each year.

You sound like my grandad talking about his time in Korea.

“Not me. Why even ask? Thats crazy.”

True to Louisville, his celebration was premature.

*basketball ops guy breaks out resume*

If Jay Cutler is calling the shots then he’s likely to end up on a completely different team than the one he’s intending to go to

great, that can can be your obituary

“This is a tragedy.”

A lot of times, you hear stories about a professional athlete going broke, and you feel bad for them.

“Jusuf Nurkic” is the name Nikola Jokic uses at hotels when he wants privacy.

There’s no way Jason S. Garlock has ever made his wife cum.

“and he’s only a sophomore so I don’t care”

Irregardless, Boston sucks.

God damn I saw the name “Tumpkin” and I fuckin smashed the END button to get to the comments and write this fucker. I was drooling like an animal thinking of all the stars I was gonna get for writing this joke. I was gonna be the new Maher. And now it’s all shit. It’s all shit

The headline suggests that he’s the one that called it a “distraction” but I don’t think this is an example of the usual “coach downplays seriousness of a rape because basketball is more important” thing. The reporter ASKED if it was a distraction, and he basically responded, “Yes it is, but the police’s work in…

“You think that’s bad—you should see my videos of the things they say at practice”

Seriously, I live in central Illinois and it’s not supposed to get here until Saturday and last night at the grocery store was like last helicopter out of Saigon.

BUT... I’ve got frozen pizzas, beer, and some goldfish crackers or some shit the children will eat

God...I haven’t been this concerned since Hootie left the Blowfish.

For me the most surprising thing about Grayson Allen is that he doesn’t have a “III” after his name.

“What’s attendance mean?”