It’s safe to assume this never would’ve happened with a player from Anglo State.

“One down, nobody on, bottom of the fifth here at Busch Stadium, as Deadspin Commenter steps up to the plate.”

[an old man, dying and alone, draws his last, raspy breath]

Two things:

Thanks to that video, I now know what it would look like if someone had a massive diarrhea explosion on a 1,975 foot water slide.

The lowest point of his life was in January 2008.

“just get a cab" isn't the answer here, it's a bigger problem then that

He should come to the Knicks. There’s no need for the point guard to drive in the triangle offense.

So you’re saying I shouldn’t ask that guy for help raising my barn?

Extra 30 seconds if electrocuted. Call it the lightning round.

1) he’s benching on the smith machine

I think the most reasonable response is to submit the comment to Jezebel as a news tip and see how things play out.

Can’t believe she didn’t go for the :eyes: emoji!

Shouldn’t this be filed to: Filipino Diving Team?

It’s fitting that rodeo enthusiasts can only last for 7 seconds.

Today I learned there’s an Alaska Baseball League. #TheMoreJuneau

All of you are going to make a comment about Theismann breaking his leg, but unlike you, I’m going to take the high road and say that Theismann is a fucking idiot.

Clearly, the approximate 8,000 daily calories consumed by a Tour de France rider are spread out

2) Leaving

You can tell this lawyer is a stand-up guy. He says his client makes no excuses, and then he doesn’t thereafter discuss anything that could be considered an excuse, such as the victim striking first, or the victim using a racial slur, or the incident occurring in a bar.