the next time you feel like you want to comment on one of my posts go and shit in a hat instead

CBS needs to go to jail for the crime of Bruce Arians and Greg Gumbel.

Can someone please explain to me how the extremely numerous religious “homosexuality is a sin!” conservative voters of SC are apparently completely oblivious to the fact that Lindsay Graham is very gay?

“I didn’t make the rules. Well, I kind of did. But that’s the rules.”

I can’t believe how much 14 year old me looked forward to reading this bozo’s column each week. Of course, 14 year old me’s favorite band was blink-182 and had no friends, so I guess that kind of makes sense.

Listen, you know what they say!

If by white collar career, you mean stacking shirts at JC Penney’s, then maybe.

Even the opposing teams from Any Given Sunday thinks the Browns uniforms are garbage.

That is somehow ten times funnier than I could have imagined. The way he just crumples to the ground. It even looks like the facial expression changes. I want a gif of this, but the sound adds so much to it as well. The dull thud, the guy in the crowd yelling “ooohhhh,” the PA guy drolling on about pancakes being 10…

Is this really the world we want to live in, where we scour through people’s social media posts to find something questionable they said TWO DAYS AGO to destroy their careers?  Honestly, who even cares what a school superintendent said when he was only 53 years and 263 days old?  How do you know he isn’t a completely…

Hot : Luke Warm :: Cold : ? Why don’t have a word for something that’s mildly cold? Don’t even try to say “cool” because no one describes their luke-cold drink as “cool”

Three year old references? That Boys II Men reference above his head is 25 years old! End of the Road was a # 1 hit in 1992!!

Let’s say I had an 11-year-old daughter who: 1) Was shoplifting; 2) Refused to stop when ordered by law enforcement; 3) Got tased as a result. My response would be to march the kid back into the store to pay for the pilfered items and apologize to the management. Next, the kid will apologize to the security guard…

Here’s some fan art I did shortly after the election.

I so love that, and its so accurate (maybe not to scale, but it definitely captures the “essence” of him and at least some body parts).

I’m more a fan of pop art.

Nah dude. They’re totally not mad about getting cancelled at ESPN. They’re laughing about it. With all of these funny funny jokes. Like, do you even get satire? 

“We’ve been estranged from my brother for years. Ever since he started spouting all this insane nonsense like ‘brown people deserve basic human rights’ and ‘the holocaust was bad, actually’ we’ve been unable to countenance his presence at family gatherings. A true shame.”