I’m pretty sure the common thread here is marijuana. The employees got freaked out by a customer and hid in the back: high. Dude goes to CVS in the middle of the night looking for cheese and spends 45 minutes wandering around the store: high.

nah

You’re an Air Force veteran? You’re welcome from the frickin’ feminazis who worked so you could have the honor of serving your country.

I know that “still a better love story than Twilight” is played out, but...

“I’d like to secure your sack between two King Hawaiian rolls and then shoot salsa at it from a super soaker.”

If you’re carrying enough water weight to produce tears, you’re too bloated for the runway fam.

As a fat woman who gets plenty of the sex with plenty different types of people, many of whom look in a way that even thin folks consider “holy shit hot” territory, let me assure you— feeling insecure about how you look in the sack has nothing to do with weight and everything to do with patriarchally enforced…